Poor Old Grandad

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,
We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet,
The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,
The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,
No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,
'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,
'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.'
'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,
And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil,
So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.
Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste,
And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,
So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I thought,
I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.
The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night,
Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,
The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.
And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--
Well, he always used to hold his breath …. Until he heard the splash!!
Written by Grahame Watt. No copyright intented

A fart is a pleasant thing

A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.


A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud


A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......


A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.


A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......


A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces .


From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.


But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!

A Different Christmas Poem

A Different Christmas Poem


The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the garden to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled there in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest time.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Grandfather died in France , on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gran always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the snows of Ardennes
And now it is my turn to stand with the men.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... a Union flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a trench with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

" So go back inside," he said, "harbour no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

R18 XMAS JINGLE

Can't take credit - wish I could.

Dashing thru the snow, in a V8 wonder sled,
crashing into trees, cos I’m off my fuckin head.
Been smoking billys too, a dozen beers or more,
I’m heading for the red night zone to get myself a whore!

Oh jingle bells, jingle bells
Santa’s smoking weed,
Mrs Claus is on the floor,
she’s overdosed on speed.

Blitzen’s fucked, the elves are too,
they’re wankin off their heads,
and if Rudolph snorts another line,
the prick will end up dead!

Merry Xmas

Pet Day

I had so much fun at the Bunnythorpe Pet day yesterday. It's a whole different experience at country schools, they have their own 'community' which is totally different compared to a city school's 'community'. There were prizes galore for the children who had entered into various competitions; sand saucers, family portraits, best pet, potato pets, rock pets, Flintstone racing cars, unusual container floral arrangements, best muffins, best published holiday story.

They started with a parade of their Flintsone cars along with the fire engine, vintage cars, hot rods, tractors and a TANK! How cool is that!!!

They had a bouncy castle, horse rides, tractor-trailer rides, golf shots and food galore!!

All this for a school of around 50 students.

Took heaps of photos, here are a few, for more you may have to visit the Bunnythorpe School website (while I took the shots, I feel that photos of the children belong to the school): www.bunnythorpeschool.wikispaces.com/

Hain Ginot ‘Between Teacher and Child’

I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a childs life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humour, hurt or heal. In situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or deescalated and a child humanised or dehumanised.

Hain Ginot ‘Between Teacher and Child’

Jasper Poor Jasper

We took Jasper to the vet today after finding him very quiet and reserved over the last few days. It also looked like the base of his tail was swollen and it hurt to touch. We were horrified when the vet managed to part his fur and found a huge puncture mark on both sides of his tail. Another cat! and I don't mean his brother.

So Jasper was taken away, shaved and washed and returned for injections of antibiotics and pain relief.

I must say he now looks a little weird with a large section shaved. But we both feel a hell of a lot better after 'ummming' and 'ahhhing' over taking him.

So as long as it heals he should be fine, but if he continues to lick it (stop licking it Jasper!!)he will be given a 'bucket head'.

So while he may look a little silly now, a photo of him with a bucket-head, will make him look even worse.